


How To Suffocate

by hotmess_ex_press



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Gang AU, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Support Blackpink, but very minimal and badly written, i demand more of it, some violence, where is lisoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotmess_ex_press/pseuds/hotmess_ex_press
Summary: "She doesn't," Chaeyoung continues quietly, "But only because she's too scared to let herself. Maybe you are, as well, too scared to realize how deeply you feel."Lisa's hands clench around her cup."Listen to me," Chaeyoung leans forward so she can place her hands on Lisa's shoulders. "Love is love, alright? It always has been. It always will be, Lisa. Out of all the things for us to worry about, something so pure and beautiful as love shouldn't be one of them."Lisa's eyes flicker up to meet her unnie's, who departs with a knowing smile and a small squeeze to her shoulders.As she walks off, Jisoo enters the kitchen, looking soft and sleepy in the morning light. "Good morning, Lisa."She smiles at the taller, who can't help but feel a needy pinch of longing as she smiles back.





	How To Suffocate

_You would like a story?_

_Very well, then, child. I will tell you a story, if it so pleases you. Come, sit on my lap, and listen closely._

_Settle down!_

_Now, what sort of story would you like? Perhaps a ghost story? Fairytales? No? Let me think. An adventure? I know you love those. I know! A love story?_

_Ah, don't make that face. You will adore love stories someday._

_What? Of course you will fall in love._

_Most everyone does. Love is an adventure in itself, after all, and you chase after adventure like a butterfly chases beauty._

_Hmm. You'll see, if you don't believe me._

_Someday, little one, you'll see what I mean._

 

Lisa's head meets with graffitied cement, the impact sending stars and pain zinging around in her brain, concentrating behind her eyes. Already, she can feel her limbs growing heavy as the world turns blurry around the edges, and she curses herself. _Useless._

Blood runs along her leg, but she's sure it isn't hers.

Her attacker swings his foot at her, but he is too lazy and slow, too self assured to imagine any possible outcome except the one that tips in his favor. Lisa scurries away on her hands and knees, feeling his black, steel-toed boot graze her hair. She dodges his kicks as she slinks towards an upturned, reeking Dumpster. After a moment of digging, her hand closes around a broken cast-iron pan.

Lisa staggers up, off-balance and stumbling slightly, and swings the pan at the man's head, connecting with a solid _thump_. He falls, syrupy, body crumpling to the pavement in a sickly satisfying way.

She sways a bit before collapsing against a brick wall. A little ways away, Jennie's worn Converse slams into the last man's eye. Lisa smiles a bit, dazedly, knowing they've won the fight. Shadows dance around the corners of her vision.

Then there is Jisoo, clear and bright and flawless, cutting through the darkness like a glorious tsunami, who grabs Lisa's arm and slings it around her shoulder. She hurries fast as she can after Jennie, who half-supports, half-drags a barely conscious Chaeyoung. Lisa clumsily trips after her, leaning heavily, concussion hitting her full force as the adrenaline leaves her body.

Lisa remembers how wary she first was when Jennie introduced her to Jisoo, and now, she thinks with a laugh, Jisoo is the only thing that keeps her from the cold, hard ground. Her arm is warm and snug around Lisa.

In her stunned state, she can't help but think how _good_ it feels.

 

_What?_

_Of course there is a bad guy in every story. There are bad things in this world, little one, you must know that now._

_Stories are incomplete, though, without a darkness. A necessary evil, to help the hero shine._

_Does that make the bad guys_ good _? Oh no._

_Well, maybe in a way, I suppose. But not the way you're thinking._

 

Lisa's head aches and the world tilts when she moves too fast, but her skin itches and her breath turns angry when she moves too slow.

Too many painkillers, music so loud it escapes her headphones, and just enough money for a pack of cigarettes get her out of their house and off to the corner store that knows her by name.

The night is cool, but the smoke keeps her warm. She watches cars whizz by on the highway, red taillights smearing streaks of color through the still, dark air, like the path of watercolor across smooth glass. It smells like gas, cigarettes, and late summer, and the sounds of cars and after-midnight partiers weave around the wind, mingling with the fast-paced bass of Lisa's music.

She sighs, savoring the peacefulness.

She drops the cigarette and stomps it out, reaching to light another. A tired-looking mother steps out of an old Toyota, a young girl with rosy cheeks clinging onto her arm.

"Mommy," the toddler says, much too innocent to realize that she should be keeping her voice down. "Why does that girl have blood on her?"

The woman clutches her child a little closer to her, as if Lisa would snatch her away otherwise. Her tone is more hushed, but the words still pierce through Lisa's ears. "I don't know, honey. Something dangerous, probably."

"Oh," the girl looks worried. "Should we help her?"

"Oh, no, no, sweetie. People like her cannot be helped."

"Why?" Big eyes, so naive, so sweet.

"Because," the mother opens the door to the shop, ushering her baby inside. "I just hope you never grow up to be like that."

Lisa watches them go, pretending she doesn't feel the hurt burrowing itself deep inside her heart.

Somehow, she doesn't feel quite so content anymore.

 

_No, I don't think you should hate all villains for being villains._

_No, I don't think you should root for them, either._

_Child, I will explain. As soon as you let me finish a sentence._

_This is what I think; sometimes, the bad guys aren't really bad guys. They just seem like it. Sometimes, people are just hurting._

_Everybody hurts, dear._

_No one is carved from stone._

 

"I can see it when you look at her," Chaeyoung states, fiddling with the keychain she is holding. She and Lisa sit at their dingy table in their tiny kitchen, the sound of Jennie singing in the shower, mismatched chairs and chipped mugs. Lisa holds one filled with quickly cooling black coffee, staring into it, looking lost. She is uncharacteristically still, and her eyes are rimmed in a telltale red.

"She doesn't," Chaeyoung continues quietly, "But only because she's too scared to let herself. Maybe you are, as well, too scared to realize how deeply you feel."

Lisa's hands clench around her cup.

"Listen to me," Chaeyoung leans forward so she can place her hands on Lisa's shoulders. "Love is love, alright? It always has been. It always will be, Lisa. Out of all the things for us to worry about, something so pure and beautiful as love shouldn't be one of them."

Lisa's eyes flicker up to meet her unnie's, who departs with a knowing smile and a small squeeze to her shoulders.

As she walks off, Jisoo enters the kitchen, looking soft and sleepy in the morning light. "Good morning, Lisa."

She smiles at the taller, who can't help but feel a needy pinch of longing as she smiles back.

 

_What makes people hurt?_

_Oh. Everything and nothing._

_Everybody hurts for different reasons._

_And there are a million types of ache._

_Betrayal, anger, jealousy. Longing for and missing and wondering after someone. Frustration, hate, and confusion. Disgust, sadness, loneliness, fear. All the bitter and the bittersweet._

_The worst sort of pain?_

_Oh, that's easy._

_True, maddening, unfiltered love._

_That is always the worst._

 

"Do you remember the first person you fell in love with?" Jisoo asks.

Lisa sucks in a breath.

Because she _does_. She remembers her first love.

Because her first love is the one asking the question, the one lounging right next to her, near enough she could turn over and be close enough to kiss her.

"I do," she whispers.

They're lying on their backs, side by side, hands almost brushing but not quite, on the roof of some building they probably shouldn't even be near, let alone on top of, gazing up at the heavens. It's so clear tonight, stars crystal splatters on the inky blanket of sky, wind blowing just enough to rattle the dry leaves clinging to the trees. Lisa shivers.

Jisoo speaks. "What was he- _they. They._ What were they like?"

Lisa's lips curve into a smile.

"Perfect."

There's a measure of comfortable silence. Jisoo suddenly rolls onto her side, facing Lisa, resting her head on Lisa's shoulder and linking their hands together. She curls as close to the other as possible and sighs. Lisa's hand strays to Jisoo's hair, and she runs her fingers through the silky-soft strands.

"What about you?" her voice is timid, question almost getting lost on its way to Jisoo's ears.

"Oh," Jisoo yawns a bit, looking like a cute kitten. "He was nice. Pretty. Thought I deserved the world."

Lisa hums, heart breaking, just a little. "Do you still love him?"

Jisoo's tired laugh is honey and moonlight. "God, no. That was a long time ago." Just before she slips into a serene sleep, she mumbles against Lisa's thin cotton t-shirt, "Besides, I love someone else now."

Jisoo snoozes calmly, but Lisa lies awake, mind racing with meaningless _what ifs_ and the words _it'll never be me._

_But love, at the end of the day, is more beautiful than it is painful. No matter what, love is something precious, to be treasured and cherished as long as it lasts._

_And now you want to know what love_ feels _like? I thought you weren't ever going to fall in love!_

_Oh, don't pout. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, dear._

_Now, love? Love is made specifically for each person, to make them smile and swoon and feel at home. For one, it may be like a garden, made up of pretty little moments and buzzing with a quiet sort of life. For another, maybe it's waves crashing into marble mountains, thunderous and passionate and quick-paced._

_Well, you'll just have to go out and fall in love with someone to find out, won't you?_

_Goodness, where has the time gone? It's late. Let's get you ready for bed._

_Oh, fine._

_Maybe just a few more questions._

 

Jisoo cries at everything. Sad movies, scary movies, happy movies. Particularly cute babies and shelter animals and stepping on bugs. She always says she cries so much because she _feels_ so much.

But it takes Jisoo with deep gashes and bruises on her torso and face, hands far too cold and heartbeat much too slow, for tears to find their way into Lisa's eyes.

If it was Jennie, Lisa would be out seeking revenge. If it had been Chaeyoung, Lisa would be slitting throats and flinging fists. But it's _Jisoo_ , and all she can do is cry and stroke her hands and hair and face.

"Please, Chichu," she weeps, cupping the girl's cheeks and staring into her dreamy, unfocused eyes. "You have to stay awake."

Jisoo shakes her head slightly, eyelids fluttering shut, and she's so gorgeous, always, even with blood streaking her fair skin and violet decorating her body. Lisa sobs harder, scooping Jisoo into her arms and cradling her close, inhaling the lilac-rose of her hair.

Her voice wavers and fades to a heartbroken whisper. "Jisoo. Help is on the way. _Please._ You can't leave me like this. We still have so much we need to do together. So much to see and feel and say."

Jisoo's eyes open, as if she's listening, as if she's pleading a silent _why?_

"Oh my god, Jisoo. I love you so much," Lisa almost chokes as the words start to tumble out. " So _fucking much._ I can't stand it. What will I do if you leave? Where will I be? Jisoo, stay with me. Stay awake. Please, please, please don't go anywhere. I love you. I love you. I love you. So much."

Flashing red and blue lights make their way towards the pair. Chaeyoung races towards them, motioning to the vehicle.

Jisoo is pulled out of Lisa's arms, and swept out of her eyesight. Chaeyoung collapses besides Lisa and holds her tightly as she cries herself into a fitful sleep.

She wonders if she'll ever feel the brilliant moonlight and sparkling butterflies of Jisoo again.

 

_Happy endings._

_Hmm._

_Yes. I think that everyone deserves a happy ending. No matter who they are or what that ending is, be it moving on to the next life or simply stealing a kiss._

_Even the villains._

_Of course I do. I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it, would I?_

_All right, dear. Time to sleep._

_I love you too._

_Now rest. Sweet dreams, my little Lalisa._

 

Lisa is asleep in the cold, sharp hospital chair nearest to Jisoo's bed when she feels the nimble fingers laced with hers run over her worn knuckles. (A bit battered, from the revenge she and Jennie had dished out earlier.) She is awake in an instant, kneeling by the older girl's side, smoothing her other hand over Jisoo's raven hair. She had thought her tears had been long run dry, but they are back again, trailing down her cheeks and dripping onto the white hospital linens like salty ink blots.

"Chichu," she whispers. Jisoo groans a bit, eyes blinking open, and she turns her head towards Lisa. At the sight of her, Jisoo beams, hopeful and bright and lovely as the rose-tinted sunrise.

"Lisa," she says back, voice a bit rough and wavering, but still impossibly delicious.

"Oh," Lisa's voice breaks. "I missed you. I thought...I thought..."

She trails off, bowing her head. Jisoo's fingers tighten around hers reassuringly.

"Lisa," she repeats, and Lisa glances up. Jisoo bites her lip worriedly, as if reconsidering her words, before hurriedly saying them anyway. "Did you...did you mean what you said last night? About..about you being in love with me?"

And Lisa thinks about lying. Because she could, and Jisoo would believe her, and she would go back to her pining and lying and feeling so very alone. But that outcome doesn't sound quite so appealing to her anymore, and she's tired of pretending, after all.

"Every word," she claims, and the adoration in Jisoo's eyes makes her melt.

"Really?" Jisoo's expression glitters with belief.

"Why would I lie?"

"You love me?"

"I love you so much it hurts."

"Then, if that's the case," Jisoo bats her eyelashes teasingly. "Come over here and kiss me. I can't move my head."

Lisa lets out a watery laugh, but obeys, shifting so their noses just touch. For a still moment, Lisa sees the stars and galaxies mapped into Jisoo's eyes, before they flicker closed, and Lisa closes the gap. Jisoo's lips are soft and sweet, and she moves her arms to circle the younger's neck.

The kiss is short, but it's pure and addictive and marvelous, just like everything that is Jisoo. Lisa finds herself falling again and again for the exquisite girl in her arms.

"I love you too," Jisoo breathes, gaze dropping down to Lisa's lips. Lisa chuckles, and leans in to kiss her again.

Jisoo is perfection, she is honey and moonlight and butterflies, she is beauty and all things good.

She makes Lisa smile and swoon and fall. To Lisa, she is home, and that is everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are loved and cherished forever.


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